He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
