dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
