Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I could fuck to npr.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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