What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
