He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
