oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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