ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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