how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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