i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
