dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
