it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
