I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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