he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
