I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
