i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
