11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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