Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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