My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
