1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
