Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
