U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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