I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
