Already got asked if we're dating
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
