It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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