Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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