We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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