Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
