Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
