He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
