the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
