can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
