I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
