I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
