hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
