I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
