I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
