Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
