the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
