i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
whose ass print is on the piano?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
