My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
