You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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