see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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