...so i touched it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
