I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
