Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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