There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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