you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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