There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
