I feel great
I just peed on a car
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
