Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
