hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
