are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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